So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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