K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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