She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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