Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize