Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Drunk is not a location!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
