bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
