I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
