i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
false alarm. still invincible.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
