her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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