Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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