Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Oh god it's open bar.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
