felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
