in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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