somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So many bounce houses so little time
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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