Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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