Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
