I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
