If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
