Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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