listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
