its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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