i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
