So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
