i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
