The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
