Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
