2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
