I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
