he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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