The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
