ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
