WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
