Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
