This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
