Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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