Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
