yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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