I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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