Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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