Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
