Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
