And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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