I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize