Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
