My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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