"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
