I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
