do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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