I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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