I hate your face
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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