Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
