this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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