I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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