Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
