Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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