I can tuck mytits in my pants
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
