I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
