Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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