Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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