The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
