So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
